Does my partner appreciate me for who I am?

Is my partner there for me when I need them the most?

Do I feel safe, trusting and connected with my partner?

Do we constantly end up in the same old fights?

Do we feel like flatmates instead of lovers?

When we’re unhappy with the answers to these questions, we’re likely to feel isolated and lonely in the relationship that means is most important to us.

We might fight to demand our partner’s attention or withdraw to protect ourselves and keep the peace. Either way, feeling emotionally engaged and bonded with our partner is vital to our happiness.

A trusting emotional bond gives us the vitality and strength to flourish in all aspects of our lives. In contrast, isolation and loneliness within our relationship can be a source of anxiety and depression. With specialised relationship counselling, couples can restore the magic of their relationships.

Building healthier, more intimate relationships

When I begin my work with couples, I want to create a safe space where both of you feel genuinely supported and can share what is happening from your individual points of view.

My role as your relationship counsellor isn’t to judge what is said or who is right or wrong. I begin by trying to ensure I understand and follow what is happening between you during our counselling sessions.

We want to unpack the behaviours, thoughts, and feelings that trigger reactive responses and the underlying emotional longings that are not being met. Such patterns can be described as a dance in which both parties know the moves, and as they spin around each other, they keep getting the same result. Your relationship may also have been impacted by issues with your sex life or mental health, or perhaps you’re working through the persistent trust issues that arise following an affair.

My intention is to help you find new approaches to your relationship issues that nurture the love you want rather than inadvertently push each other away.

After the first session, I will also meet with each of you alone for one individual session, and then normally all further sessions are with you together.

A sofa in a room for relationship counselling at the Counselling Psychologist Auckland office

Effective relationship counselling in NZ

Frond plant symbolising relationship growth

Although originally trained in a different therapeutic approach to working with couples, I now work with Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. It is a highly researched, evidence-based, and effective approach that works through a series of stages and steps to create feelings of safety and trust between partners.

Couples develop the skills needed to de-escalate the negative patterns and wounds that keep them from feeling disconnected. They learn to recognise the underlying emotions that feed negative patterns and begin to understand each other better. From the safer ground that provides, they begin to create new experiences in which they communicate openly and ask for their needs to be met in healthy ways.

This is an empirically validated approach for couples looking for a way to create a deeper, more fulfilling and lasting connection.

Thanks for your work with my partner and me. I’ve really appreciated the time and effort you have invested in us. I’m in a very different place now in terms of my marriage, I am having fun and enjoy a much closer bond with my partner. You skillfully guided us towards a different kind of being together. You taught us how to talk about important things which we hadn’t talked about before. This has led to a deeper intimacy between us. These sessions have been life-changing. I’m now optimistic about the future.”

For me, it is a privilege to work with couples who want to build a more loving and lasting relationship and who are willing to do the emotional work needed to help them to flourish and to get free of the old patterns that have undermined their happiness and intimacy.

Fill out the form below or phone Rodger on 0800 763 437 or 021 736 575.